Asshole Alert!

Relax; this post has the possibility of pissing you off, hopefully enough to change.  I am taking the stand to be the recovering asshole asking every other asshole in the world to stop being one too!  We can do this together!

I am considering opening up a local chapter of ‘Just Say No to Assholes Anonymous’, (JSNAA) to help myself in my recovery as well as communicate two things:

1. Stop being an asshole manipulating others with your bad behavior

2.  Stop allowing and enabling asshole bad behavior

Please don’t take offense to the word asshole in this context.  Face it; when you are one (not if, but when…), you’re an asshole by choice. Own it. Even if you are a sweet smiling nice asshole, if your infraction causes any kind of negative outcome to yourself or others, you’re still being an asshole, sweetheart. We all can be assholes of one kind or another at any given time which is why I am challenging everyone to become aware of what kind we are being and then decide to then just, STOP IT.

Interacting the same unhealthy ways with others over an over and expecting different results is considered “insanity.” A wise psychotherapist once said “Before you diagnose yourself (or allow anyone else to diagnose you) with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are NOT, in fact, just surrounded by Assholes!”

Take a deep breath and look at yourself and others about the bad behavior partake in.  Especially when it’s directed to or coming from the ones closest to us; is the allowance of that behavior coming from a place of fear because you may lose someone or something?  Is the risk is too high to stand up for proper treatment from our family, managers, coworkers, clients, relatives, neighbors, spouses, dating relationships, circle of friends?  Even our pets can be total assholes to us when we don’t train them not to be! How do you like how you’ve trained everyone around you to interact with you? Bad behavior is bad behavior.  Unacceptable.

Training starts with YOU baby.  If you need training just watch Cesar Milan’s TV shows and carry out the stern “SCHuuCH” sound method of correction, than do it!

This is a pretend legal disclaimer at end of a pharmaceutical commercial cure for the asshole disease…(gasping deep breath about to read really fast to distract you from these side effects and methods of interaction with assholes).

These are examples of bad bullying unacceptable asshole behaviors.  (GASPING BREATH)…

• If the use of extreme kindness to take advantage of ones generosity
• If yelling, silent treatment, withholding intimacy, forgetfulness, busyness, stress, fear, avoidance, injury, helplessness or guilt is used as manipulation
• If PMS is mentioned while standing up for yourself
• Being cut you off when talking, not listening
• If actions don’t match words
• If happy pills suggested anytime you disagree
• If having natural emotional responses to their rudeness is an issue
• If rolling eyes in utter annoyance is a standard response
• Sighs/groans as a sign of disturbance
• Scoffs as if its unimportant or annoying
• (GASP….)
• Considers basic needs a burden, holds grudges
• Hold mistakes over the head
• Use others as the brunt of their jokes, using sarcasm often
• Put others down in front of others
• Consistently point out flaws
• Complains about everything, compare you to others
• Laugh at ideas, judges choices
• Calls names, cusses, threatens, fake air punching
• Asks to keep secrets, gossips behind others backs
• Thinks nothing is wrong with telling white lies
• Cheats to get ahead, steals for the rush
• Makes fun of others
• Acts like martyr
• Plots and schemes for fun
• Brags about themselves, always one up’s
• Schmooz to get ahead
• Must win the argument, discussion, debate no matter who it hurts or offends
• Rarely reciprocates or offers
• Dumps all their problems on others
• Only talk about themselves
• Only calls when they need a favor or want something
• If the use of God, religion, spirituality or leadership power is out of integrity
• If unresolved anger, depression, and personal issues are taken out on the innocent
• If one doesn’t respect your need for a time out cooling off period…

I could go on and on from experience unfortunately because, I am an asshole too.  If any of the above describes your experience while interacting with others (don’t lie!), its okay, don’t worry; there is hope for all of us!  If you don’t respect yourself, don’t expect anyone else to. No excuses allowed.  If you accept bad behavior, stop it.  If you use bad behavior to get what you want, stop it.

Only you are 100% responsible to create healthy interactions.  That’s just a fact Jack!  

Change YOU, not them.

Do not waste one more second of your energy feeding their ego with angry confrontation or sweet explanations hoping they ‘get it’.  Just remove yourself. They don’t want to change their ways or they would have already.

Smile, take a deep breath, exhale, forgive them, walk away gracefully, grieve the loss, wish them well, love them from a safe place, be grateful for the good times but get the fuck out, and fast! People come into (and OUT OF) our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Rejection is Gods protection for every asshole in the universe.  Be thankful for the lesson assholes have taught you.

As you make new healthy life based in kindness, set clear boundaries and expectations for yourself. Have an emergency response plan as infractions happen.  Commit to yourself and others that you will deal with it immediately from a place of calm, self-respect and love.

You have the power to absolutely remove yourself from any relationship temporarily, or even forever without owing anyone an explanation.  Repeat. Yes! You can remove assholes from in your life completely drama free without any explanation whatsoever.

You are worth having an abundance of reciprocating, healthy, honest and kind-hearted treatment and communication with loving support all around you, with no strings attached. You are not bound to anyone for anything. You are responsible for creating healthy communication patterns that enhance and bring joy to your life.  It’s okay if they disagree with you. Differing “opinions” don’t matter.

Just look at the facts Jack!

Good behavior:  Require it. Reinforce it. Celebrate it! Reward it! Surround yourself with people who naturally value enforcing it for themselves and expect it from the entire world in kind too. Kick the asshole behavior to the curb people, even if the asshole is you!  It’s the behavior you’re kicking out, not the person unless it’s the best thing to do for you.

As the pretend Director of JSNAA, I expect to be a life long card-carrying “practicing” member standing for a new lifestyle movement by living with a strict M.O. code of ethics based in authentic kindness.

Just Be Nice Dammit!