The Antevasin – This Cats Meow!

When you are struck by a word and that word won’t let you go, you know, like a special message from the universe, you need to get to know that word better.   My word is Antevasin.  It’s taken many years for it to sink into my soul in effort to earn my acceptance.   It goes against everything I expected in my life.  Society teaches us to grow up a certain way, carry out certain mile stones, live a certain lifestyle, OR has high risk for being labeled an outcast or failure which is why its taken so long for me to not only accept it, but EMBRACE IT my word with fervor!

The Antevasin

^{Written by Annette Gagliardi}

She lives at the border
Always dreaming.
A non-conformist,
She is not a villager.
No household calls to her.

She is in sight of the forest.
Ever searching.
No sage or deity of the woods.
She waits for no soul
To bid her enter.

She stands with one foot in two worlds
Constantly learning.
An in-between – – a border-dweller
She studies the unknown
Traveling lightly.

For me, this is true.  I have wracked my brain over finding a new Empowering societal title for myself and others like me.  Those of us who don’t fall into the Cougar Craze, or the bitter divorced Man Hater, Desperate, Married Man Chaser, and I absolutely do not fit into the group called Old Maid who are riddled with rejection and shame by our society if you’re not married with kids by a certain age.    I could kinda fall into the Crazy Dog Lady group but I refuse to embrace that title fully until I’m actually older and crazier than I am now.  That’s only fair since I still have time…

Being divorced and childless at 41 is the major intersection and crossroads for my life knowing what I know now the big question IS:  Do I really want to pursue the traditional family life, remarry, step kids, adoption, be the fun granny and everything my parents taught me to need/want?   OR do I want to be FREE to just be free, not tied down to anyone or anything as an intentional decision and see where untraditional life takes me?   I’ts quite a difficult and critical decision that has ticking time bomb attached to it and driving me crazy considering either path.  Will it be Door #1 or Door #2?   Accepting the answer as my personal truth requires taking ownership and making a decision then taking action.  Not taking action either way is an action.   Time is ticking….

I love the saying,  “She’s The Cats Meow” therefore, I declare this to be MY new sub-society groups Title since we have to have one.   I wish they had a box to check for it on all forms that define us.  No relational status, no race, no gender, no age, no expectations, no pressure.    Just Empowered, Mature, Classy, Sassy, Always Seeking Enlightenment, Traveling Light, Dreaming and Open To New Possibilities life has to give.   The elusive mermaid  in the midst comes to mind.  Never here nor there, not far away and just close enough.

Antevasin is a Sanskrit word that I came across a few years ago reading “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Lately I’ve watched the movie on repeat for reasons I cannot explain.  I think this is why.  My word is stalking me!   It loosely translates as “One who lives on the border.”    Whether my life has been a result of bad choices, Gods Love, Fate, or my own stubborn insistence is still up for discussion.   Until my word finds a new hostess to stalk, I am embracing being an Antevasin; The Cats Meow!

I’d like to joyfully believe it has been a combination of All of the Above.

Virtual Optimism

View original post

Oops, there goes another Rubber Tree…

Frank Sinatra – High Hopes Lyrics

Next time you're found
With your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned
So look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes
He's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie
In the sky hopes

So any time you're gettin' low
'Stead of lettin' go, just remember that ant
Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant
Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant
Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call
And your back's to the wall
There a lot to be learned
That wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam

'Cause he had high hopes
He had high hopes
He had high apple pie
In the sky hopes

So any time you're feelin' bad
'Stead of feelin' sad, just remember that ram
Oops, there goes a billion kilowatt dam
Oops, there goes a billion kilowatt dam
Oops, there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon, they're just bound to go pop
Oops, there goes another problem kerplop
Oops, there goes another problem kerplop
Oops, there goes another problem kerplop, kerplop!!!

Embracing the “NO’s”!!!

 Embrace the “NO”, it is the best news you can get!  People hate rejection; we will do almost anything to avoid it, deny it, cheat, lie, beg, borrow and steal to escape it.  But why do we avoid it so much?  It’s a healthy sign of redirection if we listen and adjust our sails.   We’ve all heard that the definition of insanity is to continue to do the same things expecting different results right?   So why do we take SO long to face it, deal with it, heal from it to learn from it?   I welcome rejection, but I am unique that way.   My motto:  the faster I get to the NO, the faster I’ll find the YES!   That makes it easy to stomach the NO’s, knowing it’s not personal, just not the right job, relationship, friend, place to live etc…it can be applied to every class in life.   Purposefully look for the NO’s to direct your steps.

“NO.”   It’s an empowering complete sentence.  It’s taken me 40 years to learn healthy boundaries and I am still working on that muscle everyday learning to flex it sooner and much more often.  Even though my “sales career” path and “love relationships” have taken me out to sea and left me without a life vest or raft those “rejections” taught me to swim, bob, weave, paddle, float, tread water and keep moving towards the shore even if you can’t see it…and always (cya) protect yourself; always wear sunscreen and do not swim with the sharks on purpose – it will get bloody when they turn on you.

I have a love/hate relationship with my career and choice in relationships that’s left me in doubt of my decision-making skills and paralysis by analysis that its hard to see the future; my True North; also called my calling, purpose and passion.   The hurts get in the way of clear thinking.  I have learned so many lessons from my arch nemesis I call my “sales career”, so for that thank you for continuously challenging my courage, strength, faith and fortitude.   If you know me at all, you’ll be laughing out loud at the two words used in consecutive order “sales career”, “true love”.   It’s an oxymoron!   It doesn’t exist, does it?   What do you do when you learn the fairy tale of the perfect job, perfect relationship, or a perfect anything doesn’t exist?    What do you do when you realize your expectations were just illusions in life was just a made up fairy tale in your mind?  After you fear it,  fight it, scream at it, kick it,  then cry yourself to sleep in disbelief… this is what you do… 

YOU Create a New Fairy Tale and make it become absolutely TRUE for YOU!    And do it FAST!

I am being bombarded with new direction, new insights, signs lighting up an unknown path, new resources, random emails, articles mysteriously landing in my inbox about The New World of Work by Teri Maxwell on entrepreneurialism from cube to cloud.  Also I love, love, love this book and group created by the founder of LinkedIn, amazing website resources and book The Start Up of You explaining the future of ever-changing expecting a traditional career path our parents had is gone, gone, gone!  Its time to create a new one for myself, and fast!   I am doing my very best to be open, expand, change my mind on what to expect, what to do but more importantly; what NOT to expect and what NOT to do which has been mind bending but also exhilarating and scary!   Defining a Career Path and/or True Love is like an elusive mermaid in the ocean mist far out at sea.  I want to believe it’s really there but painful experiences tells me differently.   Like in one of my favorite silly movies Talladega Nights with Ricky Bobby…I am facing the fear and being true to the Brand of ME!

I have to believe in true love and the fairy tale ending…that I know, it keeps my hope and dreams alive.  Without Hope; take my organs and throw my ashes to sea.  I believe we all need hopes and dreams like magic fairy pixy dust to keep going when the going gets tough.

It’s like a desert oasis promising water and food through the blur of dehydration and delusion.   What will you do when disappointment and change knocks on your door?  If you work for a traditional company you will be forced to embrace an entrepreneurial spirit to survive; sink or swim baby.   The rejection of a Termination Letter as your Big Ticket out leading you towards the Big Time because you were to lazy and comfortable to make a move on your own.   If you’re in a relationship, you will feel rejection, it’s going to get stale, be tempted, change in physique, hurt your feelings, grow older, and eventually break a hip and take patience and laughter to see its beauty instead of disappointment thanks to all those fairy tale expectations.  The only answer is to continue to ebb and flow morphing along with it expecting to be different everyday like a new adventure with new characters to play on Broadway with a packed house on opening night.

Make friends with life’s “Rejections” and embrace the NO’s!  Celebrate when you get one, it’s one step closer to the YES.   You don’t need to understand it when its happening, you can change your view from failure to successfully upgrading from that BS!  No matter what you should do everything to learn from it, choose to be thankful for it knowing something even better is right around the corner!  The more No’s you get the closer you are to the YES!! YES!! YES!!   No’s are Awesome, Now Go Break a Leg!

Forrest Gump meets Andy….

I got this email from my Mom and just had to share it!  Hopefully it makes it around the world as a reminder to keep life simple and silly like Forrest Gump.   I am not sure why it made me laugh out loud with a serious snort or if it’s because it sparked a happy memory of the song my Gramma used to sing with a new twist about “Andy”.  Either way, its a great perspective we should all keep in mind like Forrest Gump.   KISS = Keep it Simple & Silly!

The day finally arrived….Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.  He is at The Pearly Gates met by St. Peter himself.  However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.  I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have administered an entrance examination for everyone.  The test is short, but you have to Pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance Exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.   Life was a big enough test As it was.’

St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:   What two days of the week begins with the letter T?

Second:  How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:  What is God‘s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.   He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and    Says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, “Well the First one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?   Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.

How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.

‘How many seconds in a year?   Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’    Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve?
Twelve?  Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’   Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd….’

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter.  ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,  though that was not quite what I had in mind….but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.

Let us go on with the third and last question.   Can you tell me God’s first name’?   ‘Sure,’ Forrest replied,   ‘it’s Andy.’    ‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter .

‘Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,  but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song,

”ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.” 

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: ‘RUN, FORREST, RUN!!!.’

Thank you Lord for giving us Humor in life, Literally!!   I will be referring to God as “Andy” in my prayers now!   Thanks for sharing Mom 😀  Love!

Well? The Truth Will Set you Free 🙂

Excelsior Courage!

In Latin the word Excelsior means “Ever Upward” .   In the movie by Matthew Quick, Playbook Silver Lining  the main character declares Excelsior as his life motto and says it as he gets triggered to keep a positive outlook in hard situations.   He says,  “I don’t want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.”   The movie recently released  is about people with mood/mental disorders not diagnosed until later in life.   The Mayo Clinic has defined optimism as “the belief that good things will happen to you and that negative events are temporary setbacks to be overcome.”

People used to criticize believers in the power of positive thinking as “pie-in-the-sky dreamers.”  Now research has shown that optimists are the ones who can best deal with life. Those who look on the bright side of things have the resiliency to survive defeats and disappointments. Under stress, they dig in their heels to fulfill their dreams and high aspirations.  Optimism is a raft to cling to until the storm subsides. In contrast, believers in “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” often get crushed by their own negativity. Was a very powerful movie with a powerful message.

Living Life with “reality glasses” on and not “the fiction stories & emotions we attach to any given situation positively or negatively defined” takes courage.   Most of  us are faking it;  white knuckle-ing it all the time hoping not to implode when shit hits the fan…again.   Being authentic requires mammoth elephant super hero strength and not everyone can do it, so they don’t.  There is certainly no magic pill or potion to create happiness outside of the mind.   As simple and complex as it seems, our positive or negative thoughts that define how we view the world, others, ourselves literally shapes our real experience, which is truly is a choice and takes massive practice building that muscle up like an Olympian.

 Once we can see through the made up stories in our thought life (true or untrue) that define your experiences we can start living in freedom and true happiness despite the circumstances.   I am muddling my way through a fascinating book related to this topic that is challenging me to my core thought life and how to fix it to experience a better life free from self-created negativity, hurt and pain by Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”.   What you do with both (reality vs. thought life) really matters in the physical world that freaks me out and takes courage to Let The Truth Set Us Free!   Whatever your truth is…living up to it, not apologizing for it, its uniquely yours; magnificent and wonderfully made.   Here is a poem I came across that I really like to visit often to encourage myself when I can’t clearly see the path ahead.

Unknown Author meaning it wasn’t “written by Me, Cathy V”.

Courage is required…
To grab life with both hands,
To yell ‘what the hell’,
To jump right in,
And just deal with the consequences.

Courage is required..
To travel,
To fall in love,
To step out of your comfort zone,
And sometimes just to get out of bed.

Courage is required..
To admit your mistakes,
To address your failings,
To become comfortable with yourself,
And let other people see who you really are.

Courage is required..
To dream,
To chase those dreams,
To hang in there, when the going gets tough,
And quite simply just never give up!

It takes real courage to stand up for yourself, even when who you are is often a total stranger, especially to yourself some days?  Just like waking up from a dead sleep wondering what day and time it is and even worse wondering,  “where the hell am I and  how did I get here and how do I get home?”    Is home of who you are really all that comfortable?   Reality forces us to embrace change.  Why do we fight it like we do?   We need to build up the muscles to constantly keep changing and reinventing ourselves like a Hollywood celebrity on a victory tour come back.  All I know is we all change like the weather.  Do your best to dress for the occasion and stay flexible because the moment you think you’ve got it all together….in comes a giant crushing wave or fast hurling curve ball 100 mph for your head and back to metamorphosis we go.